Tucker, the first thing that comes to mind when I look back on this past year is that you’ve gotten easier. Reading back, it’s clear last year was still a struggle. Things continue to be hard, but it’s different… usually fights with your brother rather than seemingly irrational fits and reactions to things.
It’s been a year of growth for you. And a year of surprises for us.
Mom just commented last week, “Tucker has been surprising me daily”. It’s true.
Looking back, I think we pushed you harder than most parents… to do things on your own, to pick yourself up, to deal with your emotions. I don’t know that it has been so much intentional as much as situational. Deep down we knew that if we didn’t you would struggle.
You’re the furthest thing from struggling.
You get yourself up every morning, pick out your own clothes and get dressed by yourself. I can’t remember the last time you wet the bed. A couple months ago, at ninja class, I waited as you put your shoes and socks back on at the end. Suddenly, I realized I was the only parent not on my hands and knees assisting their child. We were worried you’d struggle socially, but you make friends effortlessly and you’re loving school.
You are still super sensitive. When I choose the wrong tone you abruptly, physically break down. Half of the time I feel terrible and correct, the other half I get annoyed and double down. I hate it when I choose the latter. I need to be better.
You are a lover. Unsolicited hugs, cuddles, and “I love yous” happen every day. You have a way of saying “I love you” that makes me think you understand love better than I do, and you truly mean it.
We’re starting to play baseball. I got you a glove (vegan, you’d be delighted to know) and some practice balls. You’re getting quite good at catching and throwing. Again, surprising us. We’ll have to start working on hitting soon. I do have a tee but need to get a bat.
You are extremely disciplined and diligent and take directions well. You remind me of myself in that regard. When outside the home in social situations you’ll ask if something has “cow’s milk” in it or if it’s vegan. You’d pass on a bowl of ice cream if it contained milk.
You and Ryder fight constantly. It’s tough. He’s tough. That’s an understatement. I can only imagine how difficult it is for you because you both are so incredibly different. He drags your maturity level down, and I hate it because you have so much to offer when you’re just being you. Maybe I just need to get you alone more often.
I love you so much, Tucker. It’s been a hard year for me outside of you kids. I’ve been figuring it out though and things are getting better. Sometimes I think you can sense that… both sides of it.
I’m excited to watch you grow this next year. I’m excited to teach you more things. I’m excited for you to be a little man so we can increasingly talk about life and maybe you can continue helping me figure it all out.
You’re the best, my man. Happy fifth birthday!